so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
