Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
