Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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