I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
