Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
