A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
