she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
