we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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