it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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