it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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