There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
