Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
