he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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