I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
