he was CRYING into my vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
