Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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