Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
