there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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