That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
