The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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