Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.

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(519): View more from Ontario

duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"

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(213): View more from California

I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus

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(626): View more from California

Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?

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(914): View more from New York

I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.

(1914): View more from

You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.

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(812): View more from Indiana

CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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