Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
whose ass print is on the piano?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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