i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.