Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying