Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug