WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
