Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
