I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
