I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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