Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
