Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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