Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
