she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
