Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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