she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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