3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
