she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
