So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
