I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
