Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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