think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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