I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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