As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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