i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
