Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am mentally ready for anal.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
