: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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