I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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