I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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