i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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