I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
