you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
