You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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