do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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