nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize