Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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