420 ftw
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
