Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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