jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
