Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize