saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
