mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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