She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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