Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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