If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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