my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
