Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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