A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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