i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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