1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
COCAINE IS GR8
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
