Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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