I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
