I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
