Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
