Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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