I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
