And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
